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Sunday, 1 February 2015

My life of the years before Chinmoy.

K :
What did you train to do before you came to the path ?

Guillaume :
It was on a week-end when I was 16 and a half years old, when some friends of my parents were at home, that the question "what studies do you wanna do" came seriously. I was a little over a year away from my baccalaureat, the French end of high school exam that one has to get to do higher studies. I answered I wanted to be a medical doctor. Unfortunately, my parents' friends who were here that day were both in the medical profession.
A conversation started about the future of the medical profession and the conclusion was that the future was not bright. Too many doctors, not enough money to make. From a deep inspiration of mine, getting a training and then a job that would add more sense to my life, it went into what were the best opportunities for me to make a good career and lots of money. My dad started then talking to me about business management school and sold me the idea very well. And as usual, I followed my dad's idea rather than following mine, in a desperate attempt to at least please my dad. I was so scared by the world at that time, feeling so awkward and unadapted.

It was a big challenge. I was good at school only in math. But to get into a good business school, one has to be very good in math, but also in all those matters I was neglecting like history, geography, litterature and languages. Somehow I accepted the challenge and after my baccalaureat plus two years of prep school, I became a student of EDHEC, the number five french business school that was in the main city north of France, Lille.

I enjoyed my years of business school quite a lot. I was very involved in the junior entreprise, had lots of friends, and on the second year, managed to rent a huge house five minutes away from the school. We were between six and ten EDHEC students living there. This house became a legend in the history of the school. It was quite unique. There was always something happening there. It was a great team of people, one of those wonderful ones with people from many different horizons that somehow manage to get together and create a unique feeling of love, cohesion and concern.

Not quite the same from the purely studying point of view. I did not like most of the classes. It was very theoretical and conceptual, in a way that is painful for my mind to get into. Lots of social sciences, but all turned towards efficiency in business. My first year really rocked. I had never had as many friends in my life and I had never been so popular. I was the future president of the junior entreprise. But somehow it was too much for me: I could not fit in with this enormous feeling of unworthiness I had inside. It ended up with the first one of a long series of sabotages of my adult life. I did not pass my exam at the end of the first year. We were only eight not passing the year in this class out of two hundred and fifty. A very bad year considering that usually in French business schools, once you passed the big competition to enter, an exit with a diploma is almost assured. I was in shock and gave up the idea of becoming president of the junior entreprise. After a few years of raising my energy since I decided to do business school, I started my downfall, slowly disconnecting from life until three and a half year later, I started my spiritual journey with Sri Chinmoy.

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