My
first attempt to leave the Sri Chinmoy Centre was in October 2008. I
was so unhappy at this time. The restaurant was not doing well at all
- it was running towards bankruptcy. I was burnt out. Most of my time
was about dealing with the growing debt of the restaurant, trying to
keep the suppliers happy so that they would keep delivering to us. I
was travelling much less. I would not spend much time with my friends
in the Centre, who were living all over the world, and none of them
was in Paris. I had no friends in the Paris Centre and no friends
outside the Centre.
I was so lonely.
I was so lonely.
There
was at this time only one disciple worker remaining at the
restaurant, a guy from the Czech Republic. Within the year after
Chinmoy's death, I lost the core of my disciple team. Times were
different, and most of them finally decided to run away from a job
they did mostly choose to please the Guru. I had two choices then.
One of them would be "importing" some other Russian or
Western European disciples. It would have been a nightmare, as very
likely none of them would have had serious restaurant experience
before. I decided to switch towards a more professionnal team. It was
a very good thing! Just imagine what a mess it would have been
leaving the Centre if most of team were still disciples.
I
had just had enough and decided to leave. It was a big shock for
everyone. The Sri Chinmoy Centre was losing a restaurant. I was
paying half of the rent of our meditation centre at this time. I got
a few messages on my voice mail from key members of the Centre asking
me to reconsider. They were playing the emotional card. I was losing
most of my life. My friends, what was left of my purpose of life.
Everything. It was too much and after a week I asked if I could come
back on the condition I would be a member of London Centre. I
couldn't see myself going back to the Paris meditations anymore. I
had had enough of them. Too much pressure on me to try to keep a dead
centre alive. They accepted my condition. I said I would go to
meditate in London two times a month. I was in again for another six
months.
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