My first attempt to leave the Sri Chinmoy Centre was in October 2008. I was so unhappy at this time. The restaurant was not doing well at all - it was running towards bankruptcy. I was burnt out. Most of my time was about dealing with the growing debt of the restaurant, trying to keep the suppliers happy so that they would keep delivering to us. I was travelling much less. I would not spend much time with my friends in the Centre, who were living all over the world, and none of them was in Paris. I had no friends in the Paris Centre and no friends outside the Centre.
I was so lonely.
I was so lonely.
There was at this time only one disciple worker remaining at the restaurant, a guy from the Czech Republic. Within the year after Chinmoy's death, I lost the core of my disciple team. Times were different, and most of them finally decided to run away from a job they did mostly choose to please the Guru. I had two choices then. One of them would be "importing" some other Russian or Western European disciples. It would have been a nightmare, as very likely none of them would have had serious restaurant experience before. I decided to switch towards a more professionnal team. It was a very good thing! Just imagine what a mess it would have been leaving the Centre if most of team were still disciples.
I had just had enough and decided to leave. It was a big shock for everyone. The Sri Chinmoy Centre was losing a restaurant. I was paying half of the rent of our meditation centre at this time. I got a few messages on my voice mail from key members of the Centre asking me to reconsider. They were playing the emotional card. I was losing most of my life. My friends, what was left of my purpose of life. Everything. It was too much and after a week I asked if I could come back on the condition I would be a member of London Centre. I couldn't see myself going back to the Paris meditations anymore. I had had enough of them. Too much pressure on me to try to keep a dead centre alive. They accepted my condition. I said I would go to meditate in London two times a month. I was in again for another six months.