Do you have any knowledge of the theory of tantra ?
I don't have much knowledge of the theory of Tantra. I am usually not much interested in getting into theories. My mind does not work this way. I am more into experimenting with things for myself.
When I left the Centre, I had already started going out to bars and clubs again sometimes and I started spending the night in clubs quite regularly.
That's where my experiences started showing that there were other ways of seeing things other than what Chinmoy was teaching us. I was having very nice awareness moments in clubs, enjoying the music and connecting with all kinds of people, sometimes in very altered states of consciousness. I realized my consciousness was not going down at all in those moments.
Then slowly and gradually I started having sexual experiences again. My very first one was with an ex disciple who had left the path ages ago.
In the first few weeks after I left, I invited him to have dinner at my place. In a quite natural way it ended up in bed. It was nice. I realized that sex is not at all a bad think and that it can be very nourishing inwardly. It is a very beautiful way of connecting to others, especially when I really live it in terms of connection, just following the flow of what's coming.
Now about Tantra. I used to live in Koh Phangan,Thailand and I now live in Goa. There are a lot of Tantric Centres and Tantric classes there.... And lots of testimonies of sexual abuses. So the idea of connecting on a spiritual/energetic level and working on the depth of connection to have a spiritual experience through sex, I love very much.
But looking at the facts, Tantra seems to me to be quite often a way for male yoga teachers to shag as many students as possible and I would think this has nothing to do with Tantra!