K : Do you feel that the centre made it easier for you to express love for another person, or more difficult ?
I feel that the Centre did not help me with my mind issues, with my neurosis, at all. On the contrary, it made me go deeper into it.
I have always been a very sociable person with, at the same time, both an amazing ability to connect with others and a very strong issue about being loved and feeling the others' love without running away.
In my opinion, everything was biased in the Centre, almost like there was no real human interaction. There was no friendship - it was fake friendship.
You could lose your friends at any time if you left the Centre. You could be reported any time to Guru for having done or said something wrong.
Chinmoy used to say that he was the only friend or that the Supreme was the only friend. Everything else was almost a kind of fake friendship in the service of the guru.
There was a feeling of unity because we were all focused toward the guru or the Supreme but there was no transversal love towards other disciples. I mean real love. An open space with no judgement where the other can express himself as much as he wants to without feeling he was going to be judged for something he would say or do.
I feel I went backwards during my Centre years concerning expressing love and connecting to others. I was so cut off from others when I left. I think more than I was before joining.
At the same time, I feel I developed quite a lot of emotional and spiritual intelligence in the Centre. This was a good tool to help me open to others again, and even deeper than before.