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Thursday, 26 February 2015

Devotion to a guru: a big spiritual mistake.

Spiritual experiences are beautiful and nourishing but they are such a trap if we don't take them the proper way. The Chinmoy experience was an experience of the soul's world including many spiritual experiences. There was so much beauty in it. I used to feel something very strong in my heart if I was in the same city as him, even if he was miles away.
Arriving at the function place was always magic, whether it was in the function hall of a big hotel somewhere in the world, or at the tennis court that was our meeting place in New York. Always this feeling of deep inner silence, and this blast of energy in my heart. This is why it is so confusing, because it was so beautiful.

To go beyond this confusion we need to understand :
1) What is a spiritual experience.
2) What is the soul's world.
3) What's happening when a soul's world experience is transcribed in the physical world through words.
This is what I will try to do in this article.

1) Spiritual experiences:

Let's do a little ride in quantum physics first. Science and spirituality are from different realms, but I like the way quantum physics is challenging the mind and our belief. Quantum physics tells us that time and space do not exist. They are just a creation of the mind. Take a moment to think of that.

There is no way we can understand mentally what it means. Ok everything happens simultaneously at the same time in the same place. But it is almost impossible for the mind to grasp it. As soon as I think, I am caught in time and space. Do you still really think we can understand the inner world and how things work in the universe ? I don't. But I still love to give it a try. Still here? Let's go one step further.

Second thing: quantum physics teaches us that our intention creates. An element is either a wave or a particle. It is the intention of the observer that makes it either one. Thoughts, intentions have an effect on physical matter. So our intention creates. Our mind creates. Our thoughts create. We create all the time. We create what is happening to us in the physical world in a mostly unconscious way. The key to creation is one-pointedness, the focus of all thoughts and intentions towards one direction. Quite hard to get this one pointedness in the physical world. It's all so heavy and gross. But in the inner world, the creation process, through this one pointedness called faith is extremely powerful.

If those ideas about quantum physics and mental creation are new to you, it's worth doing some research on the web and giving it some time. It is extremely interesting to me. Lots of beliefs to let go of to get there. I always enjoy when my beliefs are challenged.

The disciples were getting all kinds of very deep spiritual experiences with Chinmoy. I had my big share of it. We used to think it was coming from Chinmoy's height and spiritual power.
Well, now I think it was not. It was our one-pointeness (strong focus) due to our faith in him that was creating those experiences. We thought it was a confirmation that we were on the right path, with the right man, and with the right attitude towards him. I now think it was just a matter of faith. In that sense, it was a beautiful experience if we really understand what was happening. Because if we can get even only a small part of the faith we had in him turning into faith in ourselves, there is no limit to what we can do with our lives.

2) The soul's world

In Indian spirituality, at least the one Chinmoy was referring to, the soul is supposed to be limitless, totally free, full of light. Connecting to the soul's level was for him the solution to all our problems. The key to a happier and more fulfilling life. 

Well, it seems to be more complex than this. A friend mentioned to me that even in Indian spirituality, it is considered that there are different levels of the soul. The first level being more bound, the other one being more free. I would think Chinmoy was connecting us to the first level. I came across a very interesting website about a year ago. Unfortunately it was only in French, and anyway the site is offline now. The demonstration on this site was brilliant and I found right away it makes lots of sense. It fits with all my "incarnation experiences" (or delusions, I don't know) I had in the centre and with quite a lot of healing work I did in karmic regressions (other delusions maybe, but it was very interesting). So those modern theories say that the soul is not free AT ALL. It is caught in another level of illusion, in another curtain of oblivion. Experiences of the soul are extremely pleasant, but they are not liberating at all. It is still caught in an illusion. The soul is carrying the burden of all incarnations (or time lines, if we follow this theory I like very much that it all happens simultaneously). And it's a mess. Much suffering there. Many things to process. An amazing experience of light, as there is so much more light there, but in no way is it the Truth. Of course, it is so attractive when one is a beginner in spirituality to get a solid, almost concrete feeling of the existence beyond the physical. But there are way more levels of truth. And I am not sure the soul cares at all about the suffering on the physical level. 

That's kind of what we experienced in the centre. We could take a lot of nonsense without even noticing it. Living a experience of connection to the soul's level is not a bad experience. It is very interesting, I would even think necessary, to get a solid experience that we exist beyond the physical. But I got stuck there for fifteen years. It was interesting, intense, rich, but the only way it made me more free was through detachment. Detachment is a very good thing, providing one stays grounded. But there is so much more to discover. There was unfortunately not much grounding in the Chinmoy Centre.

3) The issue of the channel. How is the reality of the soul's word brought down to earth, i.e. to words.

I am really sorry to those still looking for a savior, but I don't believe in perfect human beings. It is through the ego, the personality, the dual mind that we are present on earth. No duality => Samadhi, Nirvana. One has to go down after some time or bye bye earth. Going down, back on earth, is going back to duality. One can be aware of duality, but he still has to behave to a great extend like one is caught into it.

Connected "thinking" in higher layers of the mind can be close to the inner reality. But the more one goes down into concepts, and then into words, the more gross it gets. And the more it goes through the filter of personality, the more it gets into a subjective truth, if ever there is something that could be called an objective truth, which I am not sure of, at all. But of course, there are better channel than others. There are people who worked more on themselves, or maybe who are more gifted, or both. But it is always the subjectivity of one individual. In Chinmoy's case, considering how much in my opinion he was into copy/paste from generalizations of indian spiritual ideas and concepts, I would not think it was very "high", at least in his mind. I cannot see much a proper personal thinking about spirituality there. This added to his personal issues about sex (see the sexual abuse testimony) and to many testimonies about how awkward his attitude with people was quite often, I do not think he was a good channel at all.

The amazing gap between what we were feeling in our meditations and how disconnected and awkward he would behave in the physical world may always remain a mystery to many.
But I like the explanation I developed in this article. It makes a lot of sense to me.

Sri Chinmoy about the soul:

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