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Monday, 16 February 2015

A letter to my sisters who have been sexually abused

My dear sisters,
I read again a few days ago one of the testimonies. In the middle of it, I found myself crying. I noticed that the previous time I read it I did not feel as much the pain that was expressed there, but this time, reading it with a more open heart, I was so deeply touched. I was in tears.  It was not a bad experience at all, as I do not believe anymore in this good/bad experience duality. I felt alive, feeling the pain that was there. So much more alive than when I was in the Centre, when gradually over the years, or maybe right from the beginning, I am not sure, I was cutting myself more and more from my feelings and emotions.
I started my self discovery through psychoanalysis. After I left the path, I went very intensely into healing and personal development techniques. I was trained as a verbal healer. I believe in the healing power of talking about traumatising experiences. I have seen so many people getting better because they started sharing the experiences that they had kept secret for years. It was eating them from inside. But as soon as they would start sharing them, either through writing, with a therapist, or in a more public space, there was so much improvement in their condition. Of course, it does not have to be public at all.
I got my lesson a few weeks ago, when I deeply hurt someone with something I said in an interview. I got the point that some of you do not feel like publicly sharing your bad experiences with Chinmoy. I realised that everyone has different ways of processing the pain, and that someone who has had a terrible experience may not feel like sharing publicly how bad it was, for many reasons. I don't know if making it public or not has any effect on the healing process. I have a tendency to think so, but I am not sure. And I do not think I can realise how challenging this could be, but I surely can feel how much bravery it requires.
But I want to say how much I am grateful to all of you who did. I strongly believe it is one of the best helps we can get to go back to reality, to go back to being grounded, to get back to life, real life, not the disconnected life we had while in the Centre. I know, I know, what's real and what's not is a matter of opinion. But my spirituality since I am back on earth after my Centre experience is about being aware of the higher dimensions AND being fully present to life, to what's happening in my body, and to my emotions.
My sisters, I am extremely grateful and I feel for you: I am so amazed by how brave you have been sharing publicly the horror of your experience with this horrible man.
I love you. I will always be there for you.

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