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Sunday, 22 February 2015

A chat with T.

Here is an edited version of a Facebook chat I had with T over a few days about a week ago. T is raising quite important issues about people giving their whole life to the Chinmoy Centre and being thrown out and left with nothing: that is mostly towards the end of the chat, but as I enjoyed so much reconnecting with her I kept most of it.

T was in the Centre for most of her adult life and left a few years ago. She was an 'important member', very involved in some of Chinmoy's key projects. As many exes, she prefers to stay anonymous because she does not want to hurt her friends who are still inside.

T : I can say that I think SC committed many crimes. The sex may not have been the worst. So many people gave their whole lives to him and were left with nothing. One person I knew well is now homeless. He took advantage in so many ways of our innocence and devotion. But it is all a learning experience. Anyway I'm off to sleep. Have a good day.

Guillaume : Hey T, I kind of took a day off Facebook. Back now. Leaving the Centre is always intense, I would think, for those among us who were so much into it. It was my whole life. So it is intense and I am still dealing with quite a lot of issues, but at the same time I find that my life is so interesting. I would love to talk to you when you feel like it. I already asked you as a contact on Skype. I am very regularly connected on Skype. I am sure you have so much to share. I wish you the best with your life.

Guillaume : I feel so much more connected with disciples nowadays than I was in the Centre.

T : Absolutely.

Guillaume : I love the diversity, the very different opinions.

T : Yes.

Guillaume : That I can express sometimes a very different view and still get a feeling of being loved.

T : People are so smart, and funny.

Guillaume : Yes.

T : Lots of very great philosophers. Really profound. It's inspiring.

Guillaume : Yeah it's amazing. I love this story that we finally get into so much depth now, years after.

T : Thanks for sharing your story. I think it's really brave to make a video.

Guillaume : It has been very healing for me.

T : And it helps people so much.

Guillaume : I was so down the days before and it brought me up again right away. Cool.

T : Oh good!!! It was wonderful to see it.

Guillaume : Thank you... I would like so much to hear more about your life.

T : Ah, it was so focused on the path. In the beginning it was a blast...

Guillaume : Your life is so interesting. Being so deeply involved in the Centre and then moving on. Not easy for sure, but so rich.

T : We were all in our early 20s. It was so exciting! Here we were - the lucky ones with the avatar of the era. There was so much energy.

Guillaume : Yeah I was living it like this too.

T : We had Carlos Santana & his wife and her sister.

Guillaume : And this kind of energy is here now in the ex-disciple group it seems to me.

T : Yes

Guillaume : Amazing. The true follow up of the Centre years.

T : So good! Getting into diversity. Yes I love that now we can share. We can actually talk to each other. We can look each other in the eyes. We can hug!! (We could not do this between boys and girls when we were in the centre).

Guillaume : I had given up the idea of a spiritual group. But now somehow it's there in this spiritual non group where everyone can express different views. Yes!!!! It feels so good.

T : Yes. I have not given up on the spiritual life. But have found some amazing spiritual friends out in the world. We never thought that was possible.

Guillaume : Yes everything is possible now.

T : I am loving this graduate group though. We had a visit with a few of us when Bhima came through on his way to Hawaii. It's always so great when even a few of us can get together.

Guillaume : Yes I hope I can travel again to the US soon and meet some wonderful people.

T : Before we couldn't share because the focus had to be on SC. Now all that wonderful energy we have can be for each other. Oh good! I hope you can come out here. Do you ever hear from H? I can't believe he's still on the path.

Guillaume : Nope I stopped having any contact because I cannot stand the big taboo that you cannot talk about SC other than in terms of perfection.

T : Sheesh. I feel so sorry for them.

Guillaume : And I am a bit blacklisted I would think as I've been expressing some quite "hostile" views.

T : Lol.

Guillaume : Yeah such amazing potential still stuck there.

T : We became instant hostile forces. The thing is we are so lucky to be able to think!! Yes they are so stuck. It's torture to have to justify all this. H was the one who told me about D's blog. So then I looked it up and the rest is history. He said he had read it and it was all pure poison. Unfortunately it was also all true. Are you around disciples in India ?

Guillaume : Yes you know how the mind works when you are inside.

T : Who is blacklisting you? Yes.

Guillaume : Don't know about the people in the Centre, but quite a few friends who are exes are not accepting me on FB.

T : Hmmmmmm

Guillaume : Those people who are still positive about SC and who don't wanna hear the sexual stories : E, U, B,…

T : Oh. I don't think I have any of those friends. They all dropped me long ago. Ooohhhh. Well I just feel so sorry for them. Their world is shrinking.

Guillaume : Yeah well I made the choice of sharing my view. And I am happy with that.

T : Good for you. Better to live in truth.

Guillaume : Not afraid to shock people.

T : Lol.

Guillaume : Feels good because whole my life I was so afraid of doing so.

T : SC did a good job of hiding it. Did you feel that way before? Did you have doubts you couldn't share? You never knew if you could trust anyone.

Guillaume Class : Oh no I was so much in the whole avatarhood thing.

T : Or they would report you. Ah.

Guillaume : It's D who really made me free from this. When I saw her in Paris in July 2011. Extremely grateful to her.

T : Yes she's feisty. Very brave.

Guillaume : Yes.

T : So glad you talked to her. It must have been really hard to hear that.

Guillaume : Well I was ready for it.

T : Oh? You knew? When did you leave?

Guillaume : I read the testimonies on the day I decided to leave on April 12th 2009.

T : Oh wow! Before we left. What a shock.

Guillaume : But I was still finding justification for the bastard. Sorry.

T : It's hard. Programming takes a long time to undo. I did it too! I was devastated when he died. Amazing!! But I think that was different too. When he died it suddenly became clear that he had absolutely no plan for us. That he had no intention of fulfilling his promises to take care of us. That he would not honor his side of the bargain after we had given our whole lives to him. He took everything and left so many with nothing.

Guillaume : Yeah was a bit the same for me. I was stuck with my new restaurant that was losing money.

T : He used us in every way. Yes!! That was awful.

Guillaume : He pushed me to open it and then he passed away when we were doing some construction a few weeks before the opening.

T : You trusted his guidance.

Guillaume : Oh yes.

T : Wow. So bad. That's what I find the worst thing. The sex, the lies - all bad. But leaving people without even social security. He could have told people they should save for their old age. But he took everything ! E was thrown out at 67 !! How could anyone be so cruel - not to even care about the fate of those who gave everything for him. This is the really horrifying thing for me - that a person can be so selfish. Maybe it's just the age we live in - we have Ponzi schemes cheating people out of their life savings. That's why it's so good to have this group of people who truly care about each other.

Guillaume : You have a very interesting point of view. I never thought of it this way. But it really makes sense.

T : Yes. Sadly. He promised so much. He said 'to worry about the future is an insult to your soul'. Well it's one thing to worry and another thing to take care of yourself so you won't be a burden on others.

Guillaume : You have a very interesting point of view and you express it very well.

T : That's why I feel we have to be so careful with the disciples. If they're still in there it's probably because they have nowhere else to go. The center is all they have.

Guillaume : I was not so aware about those difficulties. I was a restaurant owner. But it has not been easy financially since I left.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Dear Ones,
    someone just drew my attention to your blog, Guillaume. I must congratulate you on that, it's a good idea, it helps you as well, and it is yet another way of reconnecting.
    I agree on so many things told in this conversation with T.!
    And I am so happy, that despite my total obedience I disobeyed one thing and went on with my university studies and career. That saved me from becoming homeless upon leaving... they left a door open for me and I could restart everything from zero.
    I hope there are many others among us who resisted the "outer urge" to burn our other study books, those not written by SC.
    Guillaume, wherever you may live now in Bharat, keep up your good venture and take care.
    Edit (ex-Kamalika)